This morning my wife and I were discussing a book she is currently reading called Lies Women Believe: And the Truth that Sets Them Free by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. During our discussion, I began to think about the lies that we men believe.
After processing my own experiences and those of the people I know, the following are some of the lies that I think most men secretly struggle with. This list certainly doesn’t cover all our issues, but it is a good snapshot. Make your own list and see if it matches up.
- I have to carry the entire load. Most men I know carry a burden in which we put way too much pressure on our shoulders when it comes to providing for our families. This occurs when we make unwise spending choices, lose our jobs, or forget that it is actually God who provides all good and perfect things. We often lack of healthy view of responsibility and on-going daily provision.
- I deserve better. Men leaving their spouses has been at a destructively epidemic level for a long time. Proverbs 18:22 says “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and receives favor from the Lord.” The reality is when you leave your wife, you are leaving God’s favor. You don’t deserve better, you deserve the best. And that is staying at home!
- The grass is always greener on the other side. Whether it’s your spouse, where you live, a job, a certain type of car, or some other form of self-gratification, the reality is that more often that not the reason the grass is greener is because there is a septic tank under there. The road of longevity is paved with contentment.
- I can still be a good father even if I move out. Why would you want to be good? I should want my children to experience everything that is great. You must ask what will help them reach their full potential. Without a father in the home, there is rudderless thinking. Also, what traits are you instilling into their relational approach that will be manifested in their adult behavior. You are setting precedent and sending forth children to a time you cannot see. This is a lie we believe simply because it helps those who have shirked responsibility cope with and manage their own guilt and pain.
- I’m not good enough. Every man understands this statement. Can I provide? Can I be faithful? Will she still love me? Will my children turn out fine? Am I thin enough? Does my wife respect me? Am I fast enough? Am I strong enough? The list goes on forever. All men have been there. Here’s the reality – none of us are good enough in and of ourselves. Our life is productive only when we allow Jesus Christ to tell His amazing story through it. It is because Jesus wants us and wants to use us that makes us valuable. Through Him life has meaning with fulfilled purpose.
The purpose of this post was simply to distill thoughts I am processing today. I bet you wrestle with many of the same things. Guys, we’re not alone. We all face the “value and respect” questions. Tell us your story. You’ll see we understand because we’ve been there.