Why Men Cheat

Infidelity is generally a death sentence to any relationship and leadership influence a man may have.  With the stakes so high, one must wonder why someone would risk everything for momentary pleasure.  Recently, Josh Reich, Lead Pastor of Revolution Church in Tucson, AZ, brought to my attention a Gallup study put out by Men’s Health magazine.

The article gave their 4 reasons for why men cheat.  They are quick to point out that this is not a list of excuses, merely explanations.

  1. To Fulfill His Biology – They state that a man has “a need to spread his seed” and it must be fought because this is part of his biology.
  2. To Get Attention – They state ” cheating isn’t just about the sex. Just as a woman who cheats may be seeking more affection than what she’s getting at home, a man often cheats because he’s seeking the attention that he no longer gets at home.”
  3. To Get Out – The article states that sometimes men are simply cowards and do not know another way to end a relationship.
  4. To Change Up His Play List – The writer also states that variety plays a role.  “Relationships need to be like good iPods lists. You’re comfortable with your routine and you like your routine, but it’s always nice to change things up.”

To combat this list and additional causes of infidelity, I recommend Saddleback Church’s staff standards on moral authority for all men, regardless of profession.

  1. Thou shalt not go to lunch alone with the opposite sex. 
  2. Thou shalt not have the opposite sex pick you up or drive you places when it is just the two of you.
  3. Thou shalt not kiss any attender of the opposite sex or show affection that could be questioned.
  4. Thou shalt not visit the opposite sex alone at home.
  5. Thou shalt not counsel the opposite sex alone at the office, and thou shalt not counsel the opposite sex more than once without that person’s mate. Refer them.
  6.  Thou shalt not discuss detailed sexual problems with the opposite sex in counseling. Refer them.
  7.  Thou shalt not discuss your marriage problems with an attender of the opposite sex.
  8. Thou shalt be careful in answering emails, instant messages, chatrooms, cards, or letters from the opposite sex.
  9. Thou shalt make your secretary your protective ally.
  10. Thou shalt pray for the integrity of other staff members. 

The first three do not apply to unmarried staff.  “Don’t be so naive and self-confident. You’re not exempt. You could fall flat on your face as easily as anyone else. Forget about self-confidence; it’s useless. Cultivate God-confidence.” (1 Cor. 10:12 MSG). 

Your thoughts?

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About Brian Dodd on Leadership

I am a church stewardship and leadership consultant for INJOY Stewardship Solutions. This blog combines my personal passions of church, sports, pop culture and family into a single leadership resource. I trust your time on this site will create conversations and add value to your life.

7 Responses to “Why Men Cheat”

  1. beautifullypreg @BrianKDodd , powerful article and a must read 4 every1 who cares, I’ve forwarded it 2 friends in ministry especially d saddleback rules

  2. 10 Thou Shalts that will keep the ministry servant serving strong. Excellent post, Brian.

    Truth is… there’s so such thing as self confidence. It’s a mirage.

  3. I didn’t know that you are connected with Josh Reich. Are you in Tucson? I just met Josh on Christmas Eve when I attended Revolution. My church is in the early stages of praying through a future partnership with Revolution.

    • I don’t know Josh personally. He reposted one of my posts on fast growing churches. As I was reading his site, I was very impressed and came across his thoughts on this subject. He looks like a great leader of a great church.

      I hope you keep visiting my site and commenting often. Brian

  4. Thanks for sharing this list. I appreciate your voice on this critically important issue!

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